What Is Romance?

Dear Dr. Laurie Moore:

My girlfriend told me that I wasn't romantic enough. What does romance mean to a woman?


I asked a group of women to respond to your question. Here are the results.

Sarah: Romance means intimacy and connection, which means paying attention to detail. My husband knows that I like chocolate-covered strawberries and flamenco music. After six years, he still stops at Buckhart's to pick up dessert at least once a week. Several times a year, he surprises me with a new CD of the music I love. Last birthday he said he had a surprise and we ended up watching a dance concert with my favorite flamenco dancers.

Janet : I also feel that romance stems from intimacy and connection but for me its not in gifts. Romance comes in words. I like to hear that I am loved. I like my boyfriend to ask about my day while we make dinner together. I like my boyfriend to tell me what he loves about me while we are making love.

Shawnia: Romance is communication and connectedness to me also but intimacy goes beyond words. Life is full of intellect. Love life is the one place I can leave my intellect behind and live in the world of feeling. I like to be touched, massaged, and hugged. I can never get enough touch, and touch never ceases to be romantic. Its the most intimate form of connection there is. My girlfriend loves to touch and this is the most important part of our relationship

Angelica: I like intimacy and excitement. Romance is enhanced by surprise. My boyfriend picked me up at work and had my bike on the rack along with his. He drove me to a hotel in Mendocino which overlooked the ocean. A candlelight dinner was set up on the balcony. The next morning he took me on a bike ride to a secret place in a private cove where we made love. I was a little nervous that someone would pass by. Nobody did, but the nervousness made our lovemaking ecstatic. When romance and sex are causing you or your partner disappointment, communication is the key. Find out what your partner desires. All of the women I spoke with mentioned connection, intimacy, or communication as being paramount in romance. What these words meant to each of these women greatly varied, however, depending upon their personality. The number one authority on what you desire is you, while the number one authority on what your partner desires is him. However, learning from the wisdom of other people can give you new ideas when romance feels stifled or lacking.

Dr. Laurie Moore

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 Dr. Laurie Moore


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