February 1, 2001

Dear Dr. Laurie:

I have a lot of questions on my mind but feel silly asking them. The questions are all about my boyfriends body and sex. Books don't always answer correctly. What's the best way to ask? - Karen in San Francisco

Dear Karen:

Each person is unique. As you realize, to get your answers right you go to the source. Always ask specific questions. I am going to print a variety of questions that others, including myself, have asked. Maybe you will find some of yours in the list and feel more comfortable. If not, seeing questions others have asked will hopefully help you to see you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Asking specific questions about sex is a gift a lover gives to her/his beloved.

Did you come? Did I do something that pushed you out of me? Do you like to be touched here? How about like this? Like that? Do you like to be squeezed tightly? Do you like to be stroked lightly?What was it? Do you liked to be touched like this? Please show me how you liked to be touched. Do you have a preference about how I shave? Is this to rough? Is this too soft? Do you like oral sex? Do you like anal sex? Do you like to have sex in the middle of the night? Do you fantasize about three ways? Is there any way you would like to be treated sexually which you would like to tell me about? Am I touching you to soft? Too hard? Too fast? Too slow? Do you like to be licked and kissed? Could I do anything to make our kissing more pleasurable for you? Do you like to come in my mouth? Will you tell me anything you want me to know about kissing your yoni? Is there anything you would like me to know about your body/emotions/energy specifically regarding me making love to you?

Of course, many of your questions are answered with sighs, facial expressions, and body responses. Nevertheless, verbal questions asked in the right way at the right time can only help to improve sex life. End the questions with a reminder that you are asking because you love your partners body and wish to be a great lover to him or her. For example, "I love to hear your answers to my questions. I am all ears and eyes. I just love getting to discover more about your body."

- Dr. Laurie

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